It’s a Tyrannosaurus Wreck! — Apparently, we have a “dinosaur problem.” Kids all over our neighborhood, my daughter included, have taken to acting like Prehistoric creatures, and it’s causing a panic up and down the block. Most of us didn’t consider it that big a deal. But once his boys started acting like “crazy goddamn…

For Very Old People Like Me — It happens all the time. An aging late 40 something rocker decides they’re gonna go check out that brand new band all “the kids” keep raving about. …

I’m a steering wheel drummer. I’m one of the best in the business. If you pull up next to me at a stoplight you will see me working the wheel. You then have two choices, you can stare in horror or flash me some horns, it’s up to you. …

No judgments, just truth — Through five seasons of coaching 6U soccer, I haven’t won a single game. You can’t because they don’t keep score. You can, however, still have a successful season, and much of that hinges on after-game snacks. …

The day I learned the truth — Late November 1981, I was playing our Atari 2600 in the playroom when my 10 year old brother walked in and turned off the game. “We need to have a kids meeting,” he said. He sounded serious. Are Mom and Dad getting a divorce? Did I do something wrong? I…

Is this thing on? — In the late 90s, “Emo” was upon us. I’ve always found the term for this type of music to be kind of dumb. Isn’t all music emotional? What became clearer over time was that “Emo” really amounted to Over-Emo. And as I was approaching 30, I found it tricky to…

Even though it was free and open to the public — The audible gasps from my neighbors formed a dull roar as the sex swings, stockades, padded tables, and various bondage items I had purchased a month earlier were carried out of my house into a moving truck. Mrs. Johnson, a vocal critic from the start, was cycling between two phrases…

These are the right answers — My lifelong pursuit of candy has tapered in my later years. But I’ll still occasionally walk the candy aisle in the Circle K to pick something out. Here’s what I’ll leave with: 1. Snickers It might not be that sexy, but this is the best candy bar ever made. Rock solid, no…

A pink slip I never saw coming — “Dad, can you help me with this math problem?” said my daughter from the kitchen table. Granted I was in the middle of making dinner, but the urgency in her voice led me to quickly walk over, look at the paper and say “284”. “What’s that?” she asked. “That’s the…